Monday, October 17, 2011

Freedom………Yeah Right


You’re essentially a slave. I don’t know what you’re a slave to, maybe its money, maybe its crack, maybe its sex with underage boys. I don’t know. What I do know that every single person who will ever read this post is a slave to something.

I’m a slave to lots of different things. I think My biggest master is fucking off. I’m a slave to making myself a nuisance and just being a general waste of space. I’m a slave to loose woman, which may or may not make me a bit of a slut. Can I guy be a slut? Probably, and I should be the poster boy for male sluttiness.

Bob Dylan is a Smart Man


I make jokes a lot of the time, I’m funny or at least I think I’m funny. Sometimes I go overboard in my joke making endeavors. I’m sure not everybody wants to hear about how I fucked their mom  last night. So I’m sorry for that, its not gonna change but I do feel sorta badly about it.

Jesus Christ Bob Dylan once said that “The Times They Are a Changing” Which you would know had you taken five minutes and watched the video at the beginning of this post. I have a lot of favorite songs, but this song may in fact be the greatest song ever written. Dylan was a genius. I’m not gonna expand on his genius because obviously real authors have written books about it.

Friends The Times They Are A Changing. Nothing is as it was 10 years ago. The social structure of our lives has changed. We don’t have face to face meetings with friends for coffee anymore. We Skype with them, or Facebook them. Email is the preferred communication tool amongst business’s. In 20 years will our children know what another human beings face looks like? Will we all be locked away in an e-panic room?

I hope not, as much as I like technology,. I love the human race even more. Facebook has taught me one thing, and only one thing of significant importance. People are fucking stupid and will buy almost any piece of bullshit you try and sell them. And you can have a lot of fun doing it. I spent about 6 hours on Facebook last night, essentially ruining some dumb chicks night, and it felt great. I was aided in my quest by a few people who are as cynical, sarcastic and derogatory as I am, which always helps.

The point of this post, well fuck it there isn’t any point, I just wanted to be semi-serious for a hot second. Prove to the world that I’m capable of doing it. Now back to your regularly scheduled fucking off. 

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I Would Blow You For……

One dollar. Take it or leave it. I’m a college grad ftr. You should know this. I’m not sure why you should know this, but you should. I’m a poor, broke, and unemployed college graduate whose only ambition is to bang yer mom.


Yeah I want to tell every single one of my friends and family (whoa is that weird ) that I fucked their mom.

I failed to mention in the last post

That I am to be included in my salute to the asshole spouses of the world. I am an asshole to someone I love very much. I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not. I’m good to her when we’re together but I’m a dick when we’re apart. So HERE’S TO ME!!!!!!!!


For All the Asshole Spouses in the World Today


I salute you


So thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it.

I’ve never understood people who hunt


Don’t they know you can buy meat in a store? Why in the fuck would I spend a couple of hours sitting QUIETLY in the woods, when I can hop in a car, drive to Wal-Mart and buy some meat. I would rather sit in front of a HD TV, or my laptop and waste time that way. I’m just saying…..

State of the World Vol. 1

It still sucks. Why? I made a handy list.



  1. Nickleback still gets played on the radio, they still suck.
  2. Guys are still assholes I’m at the top of this list. Chicks are still bitches. We still are out to fuck each other over.
  3. Jersey Shore
  4. not having enough meats and cheeses in my life.               
  5. Having an asshole girlfriend (or boyfriend depending on yer sexual preference.)       
  6. Bad secks
  7. Jesus.
  8. Satan
  9. Religion
  10. People like me.                                                       

Whoever Said That the Interwebz Weren’t Good…..


Has never met my friend Viktorya. She is a super hero in a world in desperate need of saving. Only instead of saving the world she instead drop kicks the world in its stupid face and then takes a big old shit on its chest when its laying helplessly on its back.

I met her one night on a facebook thread that involved maggot fucking. Finally I had found a girl who was as crazy as I am. Do you know how rare that is, to meet a person that thinks in fucked up ways like you do? Its probably pretty common, but for purposes of this post I will choose to believe that it is pretty rare.

If Viktorya was a super hero, I’d like to believe that her power would be laser nipples. “Stop evil villain or  I will be forced to blast you with my LASER NIPPLES.”

Stop evil villain or  I will be forced to blast you with my LASER NIPPLES.”

Stop evil villain or I will be forced to blast you with my LASER NIPPLES.”

Back to Viktorya a little bit later, There is a world that needs to be destroyed.

Meats and Cheeses Bitches


Is anything worth two hours of my life? Really, that is an honest question. I can think of like 3 things that I can spend two hours doing and not get bored. One of them is watching University of Michigan athletics. Preferably Football or Basketball. The second thing is Eating. I love to eat, and I’m not fat. Apparently I’m not one of the 99%. The third thing involves a girl, but I don’t wanna talk about a chick I love at this point in the blogs life. I have the attention span  of a retarded flea. I’m smarter than a flea though, so that’s probably good. I love ASS. Any kind of ASS. Except for texASS. 

Is Thor Worth Two Hours of my Life?


Well is it? I feel like 2 hours is an awful long time to devote to something that I may hate. I’ve had a rough weekend. Will Thor allow me to reinvent myself? Will it touch my soul the way that Reverend Hamilton used to touch me during confession? Probably not, Thor doesn’t seem like he has soft hands.

Well What Now?


The question to ponder now is I have this blog, what do I do with it? What do you want me to write about. Seriously. Let me know. I am a writer, this is what I do.